Roommate and recent birthday boy Gregory Boone came home yesterday with what appeared to be, and what was later confirmed to be, an armful of porn that he found on the streets of Halifax. Although I can't say for sure why he picked up the stack of used pornography, or why he brought it home, I can say that it has subsequently taken it's place in our bathroom reading rack, and become a popular topic of conversation in the House. [ie: "Ewww.. Gross! Look at this one!"] Another interesting aspect to the story is Boone's neglecting to tell anyone in the House of his find, and therefore our individual discoveries of the treasure-pot.

On a recent visit to the Willow Street Manor:
Seth Smith: Hey Paul, what's with all the ass porn in your bathroom?
Me: Ass porn? There's no... [get's up.. moves to bathroom] What the!?!

The collection has raised many important questions in the House.. such as, how does the porn industry manage to stay comfortably ten years behind fashion and photographic technology at all times? Why does a 1994 copy of "Plumpers" look so convincingly like it was printed in 1983? And, how does one explain or justify the apparently popular practice of blacking out only bodily fluids in pornography? Of all the things on those pages, a little semen is far from the most graphic part, in my view...

I'd like to qualify this post with a bit of a disclaimer: Although OptimusCrime Halifax supports every person's right to enjoy and love pornography.. I will readily admit that I've never developed much of a taste for it. Maybe it's because of publications like "Tail Ends" or "Fox - for A-Men". Or maybe it was my catholic upbringing. Who knows.

But regardless, in solidarity with many of the men pictured in our new bathroom library, I have shaved myself a "porn 'stache". It looks like hell. And I'm keeping it. Take it or leave it.

Posted on Thursday, August 5th, 2004 at 11:09 am
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