Ever since I moved out of the house/province just over 4 years ago, my parents have had a lot of practice creating and sending 'care packages' through the mail. In the last two years, my loving father, Peter "No Left Turns" Hammond especially has honed this process to a veritable art. With such memorable pieces as "Three Cans of Soup, and a Computer Printout with Three Celebrity Photographs, No Return Address", my father has joined the ranks with the worlds most intriguing parent figures.

But don't think that my mother is any kind of slouch either. Together, those two have mastered the Holiday Package like no others, increasing the 'food' to 'other stuff' ratio far beyond what could fairly be described as normal. One might almost think that they had reached some sort of 'Awesome Package Plateau', shortly after they began to send Easter bundles with a chocolate rabbit, 2 kinder eggs and 3 cream eggs per HouseMember, (5) plus Simone.

And yet:

Enter Halloween Package 2004. Wrapped in brown paper, with my father's beautiful handwriting, it looked fairly unassuming. Knowing that Halloween (or more accurately, Hallowe'en) was just around the corner, I assumed candy would be involved.

I could have never guessed just how right I was.

Comprised mostly of sourkids, cherryblasters, gummiburgers and Pez, I have a feeling that this was supposed to be at least partially for giving to children on Halloween night. With Halloween over three weeks away, I don't see that happening. I don't think this goldmine will last the week. Although, for the sake of our teeth, I hope I'm wrong.

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Also: I thought about not including this, but you know what? Whatever, this made my effing day!