"i've failed you, christmas sweater. i'm sorry."(but know that this apology goes only so far.)
It was a long, arduous battle - one fraught with many perils and tests. So many times did I answer the question "Every day of December?" and so many times did I listen to the words "Are you even going to wash it?"
It seemed as though my peers had no faith in me. They couldn't believe that I would or could willingly wear that Holiday Sweater for 25 days. They felt sure I would fold. And I was bound and determined to prove to them that I was made of sterner stuff - that I held fashion and hygiene in disregard when it came to holiday spirit.
My friends. I was wrong. I've failed the christmas sweater, and I've failed you. I apologize. 24 days was my limit. It was the 25th day of the marathon that I faltered, that I failed to don the sweater, and so ended my journey, head hung in shame.
But know this: It was not pride, or hygiene, or any of the like that prevented me from wearing that sweater on christmas day. It was brotherly love, and, indeed, the very spirit of christmas which coerced me. The sweater pictured here is the one given to me by my dear sister Laura for christmas this year. This is possibly the first time in 5 years that a new sweater has been given to me that I actually like, let alone it actually fitting me properly rather than like a potato sack.
How could I in good conscious, wear any but this gift-sweater on that day? You might call it foolish, or you might say that sentiment has made me soft. Maybe you think I no longer believe in the causes I once did. Maybe you think that sweater marathons hold less importance to me than they did in years past. You would be wrong, readers. Bite your arrogant tongues. I love my christmas sweater. I believe in the power of sweater marathons. But I believe also that 24 days is no small feat. And that in light of my wonderful sister, and her wonderful gift I did make the right decision. I stand by it.
If you feel that I've failed you, I apologize for that. But I will not regret my decision. The christmas sweater will live on in our hearts, whether worn for 25 days, or a slightly lesser 24.
We here at Optimuscrime hope that all of you enjoyed your holidays whatever form they took. Maybe someday you'll find a christmas sweater of your own. And maybe someday love for a sibling will make you forsake that sweater, if only briefly, for the greater good of christmas.
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"e.t. i hope you are a nice animal."
