This unfortunately, is a day that will not go unremembered: It will go down in history as the end of a short, but festive era. This day will be talked of as the day that a part of christmas died - a day where a holiday tradition was cut short in the prime of it's life.

As if it weren't enough that the christmas sweater marathon was cut one day short, (for reasons which I will defend until death.) readers may be shocked to learn of a new development. Tragedy has stricken the christmas sweater!

It was a careless mistake. Foolishness and cautionary disregard has led to one of the garment industry's most common accidents. The christmas sweater has fallen victim to the tragically classic Sweater In A Dryer Effect. What was once a perfectly wonderful, small, but reasonably sized festive sweater has been reduced to a sad, shrimpy, belly-sweater fit for a cabbage patch doll. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. And I accept full responsibility, though it breaks my heart to do so.

This was only it's second year. It was so young, with so many bold and inspiring holiday marathons in its bright future - A future cut short by carelessness.

How could this have happened? Why did I allow myself to become so confident? Why was I not more careful? If only I had paid more attention to what I was doing, my dear christmas sweater would still be fit for warming average sized adult torsos, as God intended it to.

"You know what hurts the most?" the christmas sweater is probably thinking, "It's the lack of respect."

Posted on Friday, December 31st, 2004 at 2:27 am
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