Ok, I'm no music expert. And I understand that music is not universal. To each his own, I've often said. And I will defend anyone's right to like the music that they choose. (Though if you're choosing bands like Screwdriver, I may have another bone to pick with you.)

But there are some things I just can't get down with. Abba is one of them. Fleetwood Mac is another. I know people like them, and that's fine. Go ahead and like your crummy, annoying music. Go ahead and sing their annoying songs, and see their annoying broadway musicals. That's just fine with me. We can still hang out.

I'll be honest though. Tolerance can only go so far. And I draw the line at the seemingly popular new fivesome, the Scissor Sisters. "You like scissors, you should hear that band. They're kind of neat. You might like them." I saw and heard the Scissor Sisters for the first time in my life, last night on a rerun of Saturday Night Live. I was shocked. Shocked. Do my acquaintances (no matter how casual) really think that poorly of my taste in music? Do I emit some sort of pheremone that tells people "this man has a terrible sense of good sounds versus bad sounds"?

Normally I wouldn't devote webspace to this sort of juvenile "I hate this band" self-serving pulpiting, but in this case, I honestly believe that I would be remiss in my duties as editor if I didn't make my opinion on this matter heard. I can't just sit idly by and allow innocent people to be violently assaulted in their eardrums by the terrible, terrible noise of this monstrous band.

Scissor Sisters: You are a parody of your own band. You are charicatures of talentless schmucks. It's really kind of sad.

The only thing that made watching those poor bastards perform even close to tolerable, was pretending that they were the musical version of the Joe Schmo Show. A band, populated by five stereotypes, each more annoying than the last. And only one of them is real. The game which guarded my sanity, and the sanity of my roommates, was trying to figure out which band member was the 'Joe Schmo', the 'Matt' of the bunch. Which of those five actually dresses and acts that way, and honestly believes that he's in a real band?

Answer: Second from the right.