It was a tiring day for OptimusCrime Halifax, and with good reason. I was kept up until the wee hours of the morning in the front seat of a Plymouth Acclaim with the lovely Simone Rosenberg at the wheel. You see, last Monday (July 12th) was my birthday, and to celebrate, she planned a secret car-date to take place on Sunday (last night) at 6:30pm.

She arrived ten minutes early, and after burning some rice to take with us, we got into the car, with little to no clues as to where we were headed.

We drove for at least an hour and a half. We also got slightly lost once. Finally, at about 8:30pm, I looked up from my passenger-side seat and saw a giant, weathered white wall-screen, looming in the distance. The Drive-In! She took me to the f-ing Drive-In Movies for my birthday! You know what? Simone is out of control! She's crazy-rad! The Drive-In? Good God!

We watched Spider-Man 2, which I will be the first to admit, was truly awesome! (Spider-Man 1: Lame, mostly due to Green Goblin's stupid spacesuit. Spider-Man 2: Rad, mostly due to Doctor Octo's radical radness!) Having grown up in Owen Sound, Ontario, I hold a special place in my heart for the Drive-In Theatre, and having not been to one in, oh I'd hazard to guess 8 years or so, I'd say that I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present, or a more Drive-In appropriate film to boot.

We stretched out. We ate popcorn, AND nachos & cheese. We saw fireflies. Simone sat on the hood of the car for a while. I did not. (because I'm not 'fun') We received copious amounts of 'cut-eye' from 90% of teenage girls in attendance that night, and 50% of everyone else. We left before White Chicks started.

And then we drove back home. For another hour and a half. Needless to say, I was not in full-form for the ol' job today. I was coffee-powered until noon. And it was nothing more than inertia from there. But it was so great.

Best. Birthday. Present. Ever.

Oh yeah, and my parents got me something pretty awesome too.

OptimusMontreal has been in the ol' H-Town since thursday night, and the fun, er, lack of sleep is never-ending! There's just so much jam-packed into this week-end that it's hard to find time to rest. Luckily for these two Web-loggers, there at least has been no shortage of interesting things to do.

Today's events featured a smash-hit Zine Fair which took place at the Khyber Art Centre from noon till 5. It was great to see so many people out there hocking their wares. Lots of great stuff, and I should mention that possibly my favourite item that I picked up was a small comic-book by Halifax's Jesse Jacobs, entitled Onomatomania. Mr. Jacobs' drawings make me want to quit drawing comics myself. No, wait. They make me want to strike back! Fiercer and with more artful diligence! An unending siege of comics to let Mr. Jacobs know WHO IS THE BOSS! (answer: Mona is the boss.) Or, y'know... just like, see if he wants to collaborate sometime.

Also, it would interest our loyal readers to know that we editors were not without our sense of duty at this Zine Fair. We promised OptimusCrime to the people of Halifax, and we delivered. Above is a copy of the small Hand-bills which were rightly distributed to passers-by and browsers of the Yo Rodeo! Zine-Fair Table. On the back, a brief description to warn our potential readership-in-waiting of what lies within the "pages" of the OptimusCrime Network:

"Published from a secret network of tunnels and underground bunkers spanning Halifax, Nova Scotia, Kingston, Ontario, and Montreal, Quebec, the tracts and dissertations of OPTIMUSCRIME.COM lure naive followers to their cause through the use of antic tales and fanciful imagery.

DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THESE WILEY HUCKSTERS AND DANGEROUS PROVOCATEURS.

REPORT ANY SIGHTINGS TO YOUR LOCAL AUTHORITIES."

Hey Halifax: Get ready, because along with OptimusMontreal, we will also be graced this weekend by the presence of fellow London ex-pat, Star DT, and she's gonna bring it!

The Run-Down: Star has proposed a mega-game of Manhunt in downtown Halifax. The proposed date and time is this Saturday, July 10th, 11pm. Everyone interested in participating (and EVERYONE is invited) should meet at 10pm, at the John Street House which is located conveniently at 2452 John Street. For more information please call 446-4203.

And now, the details:

Dearest Haligonians,

Have you ever heard of MANHUNT? No, silly, not the gay-sex phone line, the NUMBER ONE outdoor gaming PHENOMENON that is currently taking over my beloved HQ of TORONTO ONTARIO!

MANHUNT is unlike anything you've ever experienced. Simultaneously terrifying, exciting, electrifying and a good source of exercise, too, MANHUNT is, at its core, an ULTIMATE version of TAG crossed with HIDE AND GO SEEK. Trust me, you will love it.

I am writing you to suggest that you, and all of your friends, partake in MANHUNT GOES EAST : THE HALIFAX HUNT, with me. First, you'll have to decide on an area. Previous MANHUNTing experience dictates that the best playing grounds are in urban areas based on a grid system, with many alleyways and sneaky hiding spots. The playing ground must be big: about ten minutes walking distance squared (ten min from North boundary to South boundary, ten minutes from East boundary to West boundary). You will have to decide on that for me, because I've never been, you know? And now, the rules:

MANHUNT begins in a kincounter circle, everyone puts a foot in and one person does inky pinky ponkey or some such rhyme. When the kincounter stops on you, RUN AWAY! But do not hide. Just sneak. Eventually everyone will be out, sneaking and running around. TRUST NO ONE! One person is "it". That person will search you out. When you are tagged, you also become it! And the fun begins. Its can hunt in packs, or alone, with a game-plan or without. Nothing except personal property is out of bounds (you can go in bars, you can not hide in your friends' house(s)). Around every corner an it could be lurking, your heart is guaranteed to RACE! IT IS ENTHRALLING!

Arm band of your own design must be worn to designate your status as MANHUNT player vs. regular citizen (during game only).

A message from MANHUNT TORONTO instigator, Matt Collins, regarding armbands and ranks...

If there's a design, you are a "Coolio".
If it is neatly sewn, you are "Solid".
If it is one of the crappy ones I have on hand for people who neglected to bring their own, you are an "Uncooligan".

PLEASE DISTRIBUTE WIDELY AND

LET'S GET EXCITED ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER!!!

Star DT
star@wavelengthtoronto.com
(the HUNT is on!)

You should all make your way down to the Seahorse this Friday to see my band Sharp Like Knives playing with Jon Epworth, and Montgomery Moth. And then on Monday, you should head to the Mi'Kmaq Friendship Centre for a killer all-ages show with another band that I'm in, This Message Will Self-Destruct, we're playing with Edmonton's The Wolfnote, and Halifax's Oh God and Contrived.

F-ing Great.

Oh, also on Monday, go to my gallery opening.

Plus the Zine Fair Saturday afternoon, and a rousing game of Toronto-induced Manhunt Saturday evening... This weekend is going to explode! Can you even handle this much excitement?

OptimusCrime, in conjunction with Team Willow are knee-deep in preparations for this years second OptimusCrime Summer Summit, this time taking place at the Halifax Main Branch, in the fabled Willow Street Mansion.

Last month's Summit dealt with imporatant issues such as music, art, and cuisine, with a focus on Montreal-style bagels.

This month's summit will also be jam-packed with special events, including two rock shows, (featuring local OptimusCrime-related bands Sharp Like Knives, and This Message Will Self Destruct) a Zine Fair, gallery openings, tours of the new and soon-operational studio of Yo Rodeo!, and fantastic Birthday Celebrations!

While in Halifax, OptimusMontreal will be staying in the luxurious bedroom of OptimusHalifax, on a breathtaking extra mattress made by Viva, with sheets provided by Gregory Boone.

7 days left until my show. I still have printing to do.

I still have screens to wash. Today, I went to wash out my largest screen. I hooked up my little power-buddy, the ol' PW1350, turned on the water, and then pressed the on switch.

Nothing. No motor, no water, no nothing.

My little friend is busted. And I'm pissed.

I don't really know what happened to him, but it doesn't really make much sense for him to just not work, all of a sudden. More investigation will be necessary.

This is the worst time for my power washer to fail. I feel like he betrayed me. What have I done, PW1350? What did I do to lose your favour? All I want is for you to be happy, and to function as you were intended. Is that too much to ask? What can I do to please you?

If this ends up costing me money, I won't be happy. Especially since I know that I didn't do it.

Loyal readers, Taking the time to clean my sty of a room today, I have come to the realization that there are a number of items still missing, even after sorting the entire contents of the numerous "treasure piles" which have accumulated over the last four or five months of madness.

Many of these things can probably be explained by sheer majestic disappearance. It's a common occurrance around here, and is not limited to the realm of socks and keys as it is with many other people. Some things however, I know I lent to someone. I just can't recall who it was.

And so, I extend to you, my readers, a challenge: Do you know where my stuff is?

Firstly, in the Borrowed, but not Returned category:

- 1 compact disc by Ugly Casanova. Lent to Elise T. Not yet returned
- 1 Pentax KM camera, with 50mm lens. Lent to Someone, identity forgotten. Not yet returned.

Secondly, in the Stolen category:

- my brown BMX. (my 'small brown bike')
- numerous compact discs, all stolen at once, last summer during a yard sale, including:
- Sunny Day Real Estate, Diary
- The Beatles, Revolver
- The Clash, Combat Rock
- A/V, There is a God in A/V Heaven
- AC/DC, Back in Black
- The Van Pelt, Stealing From Our Favourite Thieves
- Sweep The Leg Johnny, Sto Cazzo!
- Paul Simon, Graceland
- Piebald, If It Weren't For Venetian Blinds, It Would Be Curtains For Us All
- Weezer, ST
- Sonic Youth, Washing Machine
- The Delta 72, The Soul of a New Machine
- Joan of Arc, How Memory Works

Thirdly, in the Just Plain Lost category:
- The Cure, Galore!
- The Cure, Greatest Hits, disc one

Ok, so I guess that most of those things were just stuff that was stolen from me last year.. But if any of you are mulling over in your heads, "What could I get Paul for his birthday?" or if you happen to just have any extra copies lying around, any of the cd's in those lists would be greeted with a shout of pure, unfiltered joy! Honestly though:

do you know where my f***ing camera is?