This unfortunately, is a day that will not go unremembered: It will go down in history as the end of a short, but festive era. This day will be talked of as the day that a part of christmas died - a day where a holiday tradition was cut short in the prime of it's life.

As if it weren't enough that the christmas sweater marathon was cut one day short, (for reasons which I will defend until death.) readers may be shocked to learn of a new development. Tragedy has stricken the christmas sweater!

It was a careless mistake. Foolishness and cautionary disregard has led to one of the garment industry's most common accidents. The christmas sweater has fallen victim to the tragically classic Sweater In A Dryer Effect. What was once a perfectly wonderful, small, but reasonably sized festive sweater has been reduced to a sad, shrimpy, belly-sweater fit for a cabbage patch doll. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. And I accept full responsibility, though it breaks my heart to do so.

This was only it's second year. It was so young, with so many bold and inspiring holiday marathons in its bright future - A future cut short by carelessness.

How could this have happened? Why did I allow myself to become so confident? Why was I not more careful? If only I had paid more attention to what I was doing, my dear christmas sweater would still be fit for warming average sized adult torsos, as God intended it to.

"You know what hurts the most?" the christmas sweater is probably thinking, "It's the lack of respect."

It was a long, arduous battle - one fraught with many perils and tests. So many times did I answer the question "Every day of December?" and so many times did I listen to the words "Are you even going to wash it?"

It seemed as though my peers had no faith in me. They couldn't believe that I would or could willingly wear that Holiday Sweater for 25 days. They felt sure I would fold. And I was bound and determined to prove to them that I was made of sterner stuff - that I held fashion and hygiene in disregard when it came to holiday spirit.

My friends. I was wrong. I've failed the christmas sweater, and I've failed you. I apologize. 24 days was my limit. It was the 25th day of the marathon that I faltered, that I failed to don the sweater, and so ended my journey, head hung in shame.

But know this: It was not pride, or hygiene, or any of the like that prevented me from wearing that sweater on christmas day. It was brotherly love, and, indeed, the very spirit of christmas which coerced me. The sweater pictured here is the one given to me by my dear sister Laura for christmas this year. This is possibly the first time in 5 years that a new sweater has been given to me that I actually like, let alone it actually fitting me properly rather than like a potato sack.

How could I in good conscious, wear any but this gift-sweater on that day? You might call it foolish, or you might say that sentiment has made me soft. Maybe you think I no longer believe in the causes I once did. Maybe you think that sweater marathons hold less importance to me than they did in years past. You would be wrong, readers. Bite your arrogant tongues. I love my christmas sweater. I believe in the power of sweater marathons. But I believe also that 24 days is no small feat. And that in light of my wonderful sister, and her wonderful gift I did make the right decision. I stand by it.

If you feel that I've failed you, I apologize for that. But I will not regret my decision. The christmas sweater will live on in our hearts, whether worn for 25 days, or a slightly lesser 24.

We here at Optimuscrime hope that all of you enjoyed your holidays whatever form they took. Maybe someday you'll find a christmas sweater of your own. And maybe someday love for a sibling will make you forsake that sweater, if only briefly, for the greater good of christmas.

So far topping my list of all-time best gifts in lieu of christmas this year, is this book, from Miss Magg-a-reno, from Vernon B.C. Letters to E.T. is a charming, and captivating collection of.... well, letters... to E.T. Never before has so much gold been packed between the covers of such a small book, with an original publisher's price of $9.95.

Sept. 8, 1982

Dear E.T.

I liked your movie very much. I liked the way you talk. E.T. what do you like to do with your powers. E.T. is success important to you. I got a shirt like you. My name is Cindy I am in 3rd Grade. I want to be famous like you. You are better than Annie. I got a book about you. good-by.

your friend Cindy

Cindy

P.S. I am reading a book about you.

More relevant words have never been written. Is success important to E.T.? I think that's a question we've all been asking ourselves.

You already know and love Montreal, you're familiar with Halifax, and you cherish Kingston. (What little Kingston you receive.) But you're still not satisfied. After a hard day's work, you come home, and you want to know what's going down in your three favourite cities. You want to catch up with your three most beloved web-loggers. But it's not enough for you. Is it?

Hang on. Did we say three?

Our bad. Three was most definitely a mistake, because Optimuscrime is now FOUR. That's right, everyone's favourite sprawling web-ring has gained a new base. Located in Canada's "favourite" lumbering mega-city, Optimuscrime Toronto boasts not one, but two charming editors - Ms Star DT, and Ms Ainsley Naylor. Star is a former high-school chum of Montreal and myself, and Ainsley is a fondly missed Halifax local.

Joining forces, their combined powers promise to serve the Optimuscrime Fanbase well. Regaling loyal readers with tales from the big city, of life, love, interest, and awesomeness! Their inaugural post, launching the heavily anticipated (among OC editors, anyway) outpost went up today.

Look out! We're gaining ground! Soon it'll be Vancouver. And then Calgary. And then, like... I don't know... Moncton, or something.

Now all we need is for Montreal to get up and add them to our headers, up there.

Permanent body art has been a hot topic of late at Optimuscrime. We three editors may have differing opinions on the subject, but at least we can all agree on one thing:

Facial tattoos are not in our futures.

Montreal has made his views clear. "Yeah. You like tattoos on you, and I like tattoos on other people." All this talk about tattoos has gotten me thinking about them again. There's a number of things I've been considering for the last few months. One thing I've been really interested in lately is marker tattoos. (That is: Tattoos that mark time/places.) I've been thinking of getting a 6015 tattoo, to commemorate my time with Team Willow. But then I thought: "Who cares? Anyone can go and get a house number tattooed on their arm. The real test is, who would get a tattoo commemorating an internet Blog?" And with that, I present to you, my loyal, beautiful readers, the mark of dedication. The official Optimuscrime.com tattoo. Lovingly forged with wizard-like photoshoppery in the deep dark offices of Optimuscrime Halifax.

One free, one of a kind, hand made Optimuscrime.com T-shirt to the first reader to actually have this tattooed on their body. Mr. Neville, (senior) I'm looking at you. Show some fatherly support, and get a tattoo of your kid's nerdy blog, already!

Among other amazing feline developments, Elliot the cat has found a new interest: Washing dishes. He's so helpful the way that he just sits there, right in the way, just watching, and making sure that nothing goes wrong. So helpful. So... very...

And in other news: Team Willow is starting a House band. Unwittingly named by Editor Montreal, we shall be known as Lightning Bolts Indicating Awesomeness. And I warn you, the awesomeness will truly be indicated. Back the eff up!

Ok, so it's Christmas time. Some of you who work in retail may have noticed that your workplace is suddenly filled to capacity with a very special type of aggressive customer: The Christmas Shopper. Some of you might be increasing your daily increase of Hot Chocolate, or feeling a new kind of Holiday Spirit come over you.

Some of you may be downloading seasonally appropriate music from popular weblogs.

Here in Halifax, your charming editor has his own way of showing his holiday enthusiasm: By wearing the same vaguely holiday themed sweater every single day for the duration of the christmas season. I did it last year, and I'm doing it again. You might be wondering, "Why would someone do something like wear the same homely sweater for 25 consecutive days?" That's a good question, and one that deserves an appropriately vague, and elusive answer. Here goes:

The Christmas, or Holiday Sweater as it has come to be known was acquired some time in late November of 2003. Ill-fitting, and suitably childish, it was deemed a perfect sweater for the season by a small but wise council. Bearing no christmas-specific images, but rather small brown reindeer and festive snowflakes, the sweater is appropriate for all seasonal beliefs. The purpose of the Christmas Sweater is to spread holiday-specific joy throughout the land, particularly the land occupied by Atlantic Canadians.

The details of the Marathon are simple - I will wear the sweater every day, from now until the 25th of December. (Having started on December 1st) For clarification:

+ I do not have to wear the sweater ALL day, every day.
+ The sweater functions more as a ceremonial garment than essential attire.
+ The sweater must be worn at least once a day, for a reasonable amount of time.
+ The sweater-wearing must be witnessed by the public, each day.
+ Wearing the sweater for most of the day at work is acceptable.
+ If I don't leave the house, wearing the sweater for the preparation and eating of a meal is an acceptable alternative.
+ The sweater should be worn at most, if not all public outings.
+ The sweater may be washed, when appropriate, but washing it is not mandatory.
+ The sweater will not be explained to the curious public in any way other than "This is my Christmas Sweater."

You can see my progress in the sidebar to the right. The Christmas Sweater Marathon Counter will let you know how many consecutive days I have successfully worn the Sweater. Any developments will be posted about, along with weekly pictures of myself in the sweater. Now if that doesn't sound terribly exciting, I don't know what does.

This is me. Not writing my essay.

Not just any essay. But what is essentially the last essay of my degree. It's been a long time coming, and folks, I'll tell you: My study habits have been on a steady decline for the past year and a half. More than not just writing an essay here. This is me wanting more than anything to no longer be a frigging student!

And so, the essay: Feminist artists in the 1980's, and their reaction to/impact on female representation in the media. What was meant to be handed in two weeks ago, was extended until last thursday. And that extension, which was nothing more than pity for a tired student lacking any real motivation at the end of his degree, eventually gave way to sheer laziness, and total disregard for deadlines, extended or otherwise. Thursday turned to friday, which lead to monday, wednesday, and now... I suspect that thursday will be the day.

I know how this looks. I know I should be finishing with a bang. I'm only taking one class for chrissakes. But I just can't muster the enthusiasm. Feminism in Art History: It's a good class. It's a great topic. But I don't want to be here. And do you know what? I don't give a good god damn. I don't care.

Who are we kidding? No prospective employer is going to look at the grades of an artist with a BFA. The diploma itself is probably not going to get me much either. You don't get an interdisciplinary fine arts degree so you can frame your grades. [I'm sorry, but you don't. And if you are doing an interdisciplinary degree, and you think your good grades will help you be a professional artist - I have news for you. Making good art will help you. Do more of that.] You go for the four years of learning about art-making. The only place this might hit me is if I ever decide to go to grad school. But, knowing NSCAD, I have a feeling that I could weasel my way in, if I needed to.

I'm handing in that paper on thursday, 5 days past my extension. I'm doing it with pride, and then I'ma walk away, and never look at it again. And just pray not to run into my teacher, lest I be forced to pull out the ever-popular, confrontation avoiders: The ol' "I'm sowwy." eyes.

Editors Note: Optimuscrime is not actually advocating purposely not doing any work that might be a part of your post-secondary degree - art school, or otherwise. And we're certainly not saying that working hard, writing essays, and doing well in your courses won't be good for your art-making career. Critical thinking helps make good artists into better artists. But writing lots of essays, and not making lots of art... well, that doesn't make an artist. And contrary to popluar opinion, neither NSCAD, or any other art school is a "Successful Artist Factory". Optimuscrime will go on record with that. Lots of successful artists didn't go to school. Lots of wonderful, successful art students become successful retail workers. What we're saying is - we're terribly, terribly jaded. And you should probably pay us no mind.