Optimus Crime:  Please Give My Word To Your Mother.

 

[ Monday, October 31, 2005 ]


21:20
local teenager dons "paul hammond" halloween costume - nails paul hammond to the damned wall!  

Not actually Paul Hammond

It's a little alarming when you realise that not only have people pegged you, but they've done a good job of it. It's that humbling moment when you realise that you may just be a little more "sum-up-able" than you'd hoped, at least visually. We're not sure exactly what we can say about recent events readers, other than to just offer the photographs, and allow you your well-deserved laughs. This young man took the initiative of dressing up for halloween as your own Editor, Optimuscrime Halifax. Eyewitness accounts report that the person in question was somehow able, with nothing more than glasses, a wig haircut, a girl guides shirt, and a blue marker transform himself into an embarrassingly authentic Paul Hammond for All Hallows' Eve. We're ashamed to admit that we can be so easily synthesized - because, we'll give it to him - it's a damn good approximation.

We can only be glad that we were not actually there to witness it ourselves, readers. For who knows what may have happened to our beloved space-time continuum, had the two doppelgangers met face to face?

 

[ Friday, October 21, 2005 ]


17:24
marriage is for homos. (roadtrip!)
 
We're pretty excited over here in the East Coast HQ of Optimuscrime, as this weekend, we will be hitting the road to Yarmouth Nova Scotia to attend (and photograph - look we're using our degree to actually earn some keep) our very first homo-wedding. Longtime friends Mindy and Sara will be tying the knot, and we're both honoured and excited to be there with them.

The lovely Stephanie will be accompanying us, where we'll stay at the very fancy, and reportedly haunted Churchill Mansion Country Inn. We're a little nervous, as this marks our first attempt at the ever-feared, ulcer-inducing embarkment known in photographer's circles as the dreaded wedding assignment. Mindy and Sara, your memories are being entrusted to us. We, who just recently realized we had lost upwards of 6 sleeves of negatives from important rock shows across the country. (Gossip, Locust, Blood Brothers, etc.) We're nervous as hell, but happy to be a part of it all. Wish us luck. We're sure it'll be fine.

As Haligonian Jody once said: "If Dave and I ever get married, we're totally gonna get gay-married." That's the spirit, Jody! We propose "Gay-Married" be alternately defined as a new attitude toward marriage, wherein the primary goal is simple - awesomeness! This way, we can focus more on the actual quality of the union rather than the gender of the peeps involved. Homos, non-homos, we can all be married, or gay-married, who's gonna stop us?

If we at Optimuscrime Halifax were to ever wed, which we surely won't, as we've yet to come across a truly enticing incentive for an authority sponsoring our couplings - why, we would totally get gay-married! Think of it as a high-five to an awesome relationship.

 

[ Monday, October 17, 2005 ]


22:04
pop vs. mock, and the return of optimus crime east  

Yeah, we know - where the hell have we been? That's a good question, and it's one that needs asking. Heck, it's one we've been asking ourselves occasionally; when we do dare set foot in the ol' inter-net every now and again. That is, we know where we've been - we've been here, doing stuff. But where the hell have we been? What's with not posting for like, over a month? Listen, we can't really answer that question. We've been doing a lot of things recently - playing shows, going to shows, making art, falling in love, cooking good food, working, among other things. But there's one thing we haven't been doing, and that's posting juicy information on our little public forum for all you nosy little book screenworms.

So, aside from ignoring you, pretties, what has been keeping our attention in the more immediate past? Music has. This past weekend, our fair city witnessed a surge of rock and roll abundance in the form of the good old Halifax Pop Explosion. Now, if we're going to be honest, the lineup this year may not have looked as impressive as it has in the past - and we question how exactly the term "new and innovative talent" somehow managed to find itself applicable to Chixdiggit in 2005 - there were some definite gems. Some serious fucking gems indeed. There was Dog Day, the brilliant new project of my best pal Seth. There was Ted Leo + Pharmacists. There was North Of America - reborn! And there was Special Special Noise, featuring extra extra boys. But let's be honest. There was one serious stand-out for the weekend, and we think it's pretty obvious who it was:

Fucking JAPANTHER, motherfucker! (quote: Japanther)





Brooklyn, NY's loud as hell, fuzzy as crap, and catchy as shit, noisy duo stormed Halifax, with three, THREE shows. Though the photos above were not actually taken in Halifax, they were taken during the Japanther rush, in Charlottetown PEI, where Sharp Like Knives was lucky enough to play two shows with them. We're going to be honest. We like their records ok. We listened to them sometimes, but we were never fully gone over these guys. Until we saw them play. There's no words for a Japanther live show, friends. No. Words. Consider us converted. (well, partially converted, since we were never exactly naysayers.) By the way, those pink things are telephone receivers, converted to microphones. Awesome. And, nice? Jesus, we don't think they could be any nicer!

There was also K'naan, who in the 20 minutes that we were able to stay awake to hear him, was so awesome, we seriously considered taking up drugs as a means to stay awake for the rest of the performance. (we kid. we kid. but he was seriously rad.)

And then, there was the Mock Explosion. The Pop Explosion's greatest nemesis, fiercest menace, cutest little sibling. The Mock Explosion, held entirely at Gus' Pub showed a home to such bands as The Stolen Minks, Wax Mannequin, Tragedies, Die Brucke, Tom Fun and the Holy Microphone Machine, The Jeff Coll Five and.. as a spur-of-the-moment surprise... Japanther!!! Gus' being one of our favourite local watering-holes, (ok, maybe not - their gingerale is all diet! but favourite pub? you bet.) it's a great place to watch bands, and really get to watch them. And the fact that it's hidden up in the north end means that you don't have to worry about seeing past more than 30 people on any given night.



Speaking of our new favourite semi-local bands, Optimuscrime Halifax would like to take this moment to officially endorse, and verify the extreme radness that is Tom Fun and the Holy Microphone Machine. Folk. Celtic-charm. (yes, we did say celtic and charm in the same breath. remember it, because it will never happen again.) Tom Waits-style vocals. Rich Terfry-style storytelling. Rock and fucking roll. And to top it all off, put our good pal, six-foot-and-some Lachie MacDonald in a frigging bowtie, and give him a goddamn mandolin! We think you can imagine our delight. Just go ahead, and imagine our delight.

It goes like this: "Wow."

Anyway, we're back. And we've been asked enough times now, that let us just reassure you. We will finish the tour diary. Thank you for actually caring. Really.