OPTIMUSCRIME HALIFAX

Oh! Those Were The Days!

Jodie — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 00:00:25 +0000

How we here at OptimusHalifax lament the days when we had a television. Actually, digital cable to be more precise. Ah, the days when, after coming home, we would sit on the couch and watch Dr. Phil, Oprah, 7th Heaven, reruns of CSI that we'd seen about one million times before and then the prime time hits depending on which day of the week it was. Now we've been reduced to going to a friend's house every Monday evening to watch Prison Break and 24, and living in eerie, non-televised silence the rest of the week. Today, for example, there will be no Super Bowl XLI for us. Instead, we are stealing internet and hanging out on the superbowl.com website for live play-by-play updates. You must not have thought this about your humble editor, but alas, she has a soft spot for the Super Bowl. Mostly just because she likes making appetizers and drinking lots of beer. And missing the halftime show! YEGADS! It's PRINCE, people, PRINCE!!

This is what it feels like when doves cry..what a sad, sad day.

Your Health is Not Worth My Loss of Enjoyment!

Jodie — Sat, 02 Dec 2006 16:49:54 +0000

When we moved out here to the briny East Coast, we thought fate had thrown us a bone. We thought "Wow! We're still allowed to smoke in bars and even on patios out here?! That's great!" It was just nice to go to Tom's Little Havana, sit at the bar, read a book, chat with strangers, etc. etc. But now, oh loyal readers, that little pleasure is gone like so much smoke into a ventilation duct. A full smoking ban has ripped my vice out from under my feet for a second time. I understand the reasoning behind it, my one problem is with places that are cigar bars. People did not walk into Tom's or Jon Alan's expecting the air to smell like a summer rose, they expected it to be dark and smoky with people sitting in wingback chairs hauling on a Cohiba. Sometimes I wish it was like Russia, where it is a crime NOT to smoke in public. True story.

There's Too Much Pop Xplodin' Up In Here!

Jodie — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 21:33:57 +0000

Man oh man, what a week...Gemma Ray Ritual on Monday, A/V and Gary Flanagan on Thursday, Holy Fuck with Instruments and Land of Talk at the Marquee, then Fucked Up at Stage Nine and some other bands at the Attic last night, and tonight...back to the Marquee for Jon Rae and the River, We Are Wolves, Duchess Says, Candence Weapon and then god knows where. It's a good thing this only happens once a year! Our body and our pocketbook can't take much more!

Lick-A-What?!

Jodie — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 23:27:58 +0000

This weekend, we here at OptimusHalifax made our first sojurn out of the city. I know, shocking isn't it. Two years and not even a picture of Peggy's Cove to show for it! Thanks to Mr. Mark Black, we got to experience the wonder that is Cape Breton! The excitement included driving through unpredictable crazy downpours (hooray for maritime weather!), listening to late-night call in shows on "the station for MEN" (where men would discuss their sexual conquests and borderline pedophilia), shopping at Value Village in Sydney (where a cool red crushed velvet blazer was purchased for $5!), and of course...the highlight of our LIFE...eating at this fine establishment:

It was the best...thing...ever...So good in fact, that vegetarians will break down and order chicken burgers at this joint. Maybe that's just a rumour though. Cape Breton was fun. It could have been the company of Mark and Steph (former Optimus Paul's better half), it could have been the onion rings, I guess we'll never know.

It Was the Beginning of the End...

Jodie — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 01:14:09 +0000

We here in Halifax have begun to lament the loss of native sons, Sharp Like Knives. The band, led by our predecessor Paul Hammond, took their second-last bow (the last will take place at the Pavillion on Thursday) at the Speakeasy on Saturday. We were able to make it for their last 19+ set, and were not disappointed. The highlight was when the Knives were engulfed by dancing fans onstage (we believe it was at Paul's request....how egocentric...). Unable to climb over the bars to reach the stage as she was wearing heels, your humble editor remained on the dancefloor, with a clear (however drunken) view of the band and the bacchanalian orgy taking place.* We will miss you, Sharp Like Knives. Halifax feels a little less full of dance punk than it did only a few short days ago.

*a slight exaggeration may or may not have been made

C'mon Down! You're the Next Editor of Optimuscrime Halifax!

Jodie — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 19:45:40 +0000

As new editor of Optimuscrime Halifax, we have been thinking hard about how to gracefully fill the shoes of our predecessor Paul, him being a super cool Halifax renaissance man of sorts. We thought long and hard, and then it came to us! Deliquency! Infrequent posting! What genius! No really, there is a valid excuse: no reliable internet in our humble (and I do stress HUMBLE) abode (OptimusOriginal and OptimusKingston will be able to attest to this fact in a couple short weeks). So this post is being written from our place of employment, with it's free wireless. Huzzah! So enough excuses...

As was aforementioned, OptimusOriginal and OptimusKingston will be visiting Halifax very soon! Paul, Alison, and all of us others here in the city are all VERY excited. OCK has been planning all the touristy things she would like to do while frolicking about the peninsula (other than eat lobster, which she plans on doing alot of, but c'mon...who DOESN'T want to eat lobster?)...and even I am looking forward to doing those touristy things I have been too ashamed to do while I've been here, but I'm NOT going on the Habour Hopper! For real...not doing it...OCK would have to beat me to a bloody pulp (which she could) and drag me on that thing unconscious. I'm scared she might just do that...eeek!

Optimuscrime Halifax Is Dead; Long Live Optimuscrime Halifax

Halifax — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 02:45:28 +0000

For our homie and two-year blogging compatriot Paul, running Optimuscrime Halifax was getting to be a little burdensome. After all, the kid works a day job, is an active artist, runs Gallery Deluxe Gallery, plays in a band and is one of the two forces behind screenprinting juggernaut Yo Rodeo.

So we're sure that you'll understand his decision to step away from the blogosphere for a bit. You can continue to catch him on gallerydeluxegallery.com, sharplikeknives.com and yorodeo.com.

As a salute to the outgoing editor, a roundup of some of our favourite posts:

Taking over Paul's editorship will be another of our favourite Haligonians, Jodie Church. Jodes is from Red Lake, Ontario, but is in Halifax finishing her degree in Russian Studies at Dal. She speaks Esperanto. She is awesome. Expect her first post sometime, uh, soonish.

Update! Alison Lang, DJ, journalism student, Queen's alumna, bon vivant, will be joining Jodie now and again as a contributor. Editor emeritus Paul also retains his account, meaning that he is welcome to post as a contributor if his fancy is ever so stricken. How glorious is our Optimuscrime Empire! Huzzah!

Optimuscrime Halifax Is Still Alive. He's Just Not Here Right Now.

Halifax — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 22:25:31 +0000

Those looking for fresh Optimuscrime Halifax updates should consult Sharplikeknives.com, where Paul's road diary is found. He and Sharp Like Knives are now in British Columbia:

"Like I mentioned before, we ran out of gas on the way to Vancouver, but we still managed to get to the Alf House basically on time. Sort of. That night was my birthday, and I think the best present I got on that day was the seemingly endless slew of surprise guests that kept showing up throughout the evening. Friends from Halifax, friends from highschool who I hadn't seen in almost 6 years. It was crazy. The show itself was also amazing! We played with my friend Lianne's band The Mutators, who were awesome. And the little basement was packed with crazy, sweaty kids. They lost it for Windom Earle, and seemed to really like us too. That tiny show, in that dingy basement had 1000 times the energy, enthusiasm, and excitement than any bar show we've ever played. It was inspiring, and exciting."

you're the not the right wha? whatever.

Halifax — Wed, 17 May 2006 01:30:29 +0000

OMG. That is, OMFG ladies and gentlemen. In just a few short days, a single, minute and a half long video clip has quickly become our favourite recent event, and it seems to get better and better every day. (Listening to CBC in the mornings has become a matter of giddy anticipation, waiting to discover a new level to the sheer absurdity of this amazing spectacle.)

Ok, short summary: BBC sets up an interview with Guy Kewney, computer techie, who was waiting in the lobby to talk about the big old Apple vs Apple decision. Short on time, someone runs down to the lobby to grab Guy for the interview, and... wait for it... Grabs. The. Wrong. Guy. Yeah. That's right. There was a second man named Guy (Guy Goma, to be precise) who is most definitely NOT a computer expert, and this poor man is the one who was ushered quickly into the studio and sat down in front of the cameras and interviewed. The interview actually went through. And it was live.

We basically couldn't ask for more, could we?

Highlight: "I'm very surprised to see this verdict.. to come on me. Because.... I was not expecting that... when I came they told me something else, and I'm coming... you've got an interview now. So, it's a big surprise." Deer in headlights, ladies and gentlemen. And the woman interviewing him is not even pretending to pay attention.

Gold. Fucking gold. And if that's not enough - the BBC also made a mistake in their apology the following day. Their first statement was that Guy Coma was a cab driver, there to pick up the Guy who was meant to be interviewed... but as it turns out, Guy Coma is actually a Congolese business student who was waiting for a job interview. So, person in suit comes down, says "Guy, we're ready for you.." and away we go.

This is why we love the internet. This, and Strong Bad Emails.

Watch the soon-to-be-infamous interview here.
And then, watch a follow-up interview with him here.

work? that's for suckers. idiot suckers.

Paul — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 23:54:00 +0000